I know how it feels, just sitting there trying to figure out what you could have done differently. Playing different scenarios over and over in your head, trying to analyze text, trying to figure out the exact moment things went wrong. You even start questioning yourself on whether it was all your fault.
I mean, why isn’t your love enough? Why doesn’t this person see how amazing you are and how much you have to offer? Why are you chasing this person just to get back to the way things once was.
When someone breaks your heart, it’s hard to not let it get to you. It’s hard to not let it bruise your ego. It’s hard to let it go even if they weren’t right for you and all the signs pointed to that. Letting go means admitting defeat, and no one likes to do that. It’s the need to feel wanted and loved that makes us hold onto the wrong person for longer than we should.
We’ve all been told you’re too good for him! He doesn’t deserve you! You can do better! And yet we still don’t listen. You know you’re being treated badly, and that you deserve more, and yet you sit in a pool of denial, staring at your phone, waiting for him to text you back. You tell yourself that if you stick around long enough and let him walk all over you or play his stupid games, eventually, you’ll win. Hunny you really won’t.
Instead….the only person that is getting hurt in all of this is you. The moment you try to prove your worth to someone is the moment you’ve already lost.
For me, it doesn’t matter how long I’ve known someone. If I meet someone and we click, we click. Sometimes I forget how hard I’ve been protecting my fragile heart and how long it took me to piece it back together. And then, just like that, they would let me down. It doesn’t matter how strong I am. The minute I let someone in and they end up taking me for granted, it completely and utterly destroys me.
So I sit there thinking about everything, sometimes in tears in an empty room like a wounded puppy, surrounded by silence. The voice in my head says “I TOLD YOU SO!” and then I start to wonder, was I too much again? Why wasn’t I enough? Is it really that hard to like/love me? Why he just don’t stay. I know I can be difficult, but I’m trying. Why break my heart?
I then would give myself two days in deep thought about what really happened. On those days, I completely disconnect myself from the world and break down, I obsess, stalk, feel insecure, stuff my face with carbs and snacks and completely hate myself the entire time. There is a method to the madness.
But the next day, no matter how hurt I am, I let go, I don’t let them see my pain. I don’t reach out. Once I say goodbye, I mean it, sometimes lol. At a certain point, I promised myself I’d never go back to anyone who took me for granted. Whether we dated for years or not.
I was magic wrapped in diamonds but that boy preferred silver. So why should I sit there and be sad over an idiot who didn’t know what he wanted? He’s the one that should be sad, after all, he lost me. I don’t believe in getting even. What I do believe in; is that the best revenge is moving forward. Never backwards. If you stick around, you will crash and burn and if you go back to what once broke you, it will destroy you. So take him off that pedestal you put him on, strip him of whatever it is you thought you fell for and really consider his bad qualities. (this can go for women as well). By the time he comes back (trust me, he will, they always do), you won’t need him to make you feel whole because you’ll be whole all on your own.
The truth is, love isn’t easy but it’s worth it especially with the “right person” and when the right person comes along…you’ll say ahhhhhhh, there you are lol, my missing puzzle piece…….Good thing I waited for you.
Sometimes we feel we have met the right person when in fact they are really the wrong person.
Until my next blog post!