Yes, we have all dated someone and thought that he was the one! Granted, you thought Machel Montano or Tian Winter was the one and you never met them lol.
If you’re anything like me, then most likely you are someone who takes decades to give someone a chance and then when you finally decide to give him the time of day it’s like things turn for the worst. Now you’re faced with the struggle of getting over this someone, of course depending on your feelings for them, even if you two weren’t official in “his” head and in some instances “your” head as well.
Below are some tips on how to get over someone, no matter how long or short you actually dated the person or how serious the relationship was.
Tip 1: Cut off all communication
(Not forever, but for a couple months at least) There will be people that are not in the situation who would suggest maybe staying friends after a breakup, which isn’t always a bad thing, but you can’t fully move on if the past is still lingering in the shadows…especially when it’s fresh. A clean and total break is the most essential part of getting over someone. If necessary, unfollow him on social media (if it hurts too much to see him in your feeds), delete and/or block his number if you think you’re going to use it, especially when you’re out drinking (alcohol is the devil). Let yourself heal from the situation.
Tip 2: Cry like a lot (well that’s if you want to cry).
Yes, I said it. Be a big baby and cry! I know some of you are like…..cry for what? Do you even know what you’re talking about? I mean, probably not! But, I believe that you need to cry. You need to connect with your feelings. Cry about why it didn’t work out, cry about how much you wish it had, cry about how much you don’t want him fucking someone else. Fuck it……have a breakdown when you’re alone! Cry with your closest friends, cry at the bar when you go out (although that isn’t cute) because this is your time to let it out. Just don’t do it at work and if you do, go to the bathroom lol. Give yourself permission to feel and cry until you’ve got nothing left to cry about. Take all the time you need and do not cover your feelings since that will just prolong the process of getting over that relationship. And no don’t force the tears.
Tip 3: Get a hobby
Getting busy or a hobby is the best way to distract yourself. No….not stalking on social media, that shit is not a hobby. I don’t even know why we look at things we know will hurt us. I know for me I try not to hurt myself even more lol. I think some of us are just addicted to pain and it’s all we know…but wouldn’t it be nice to feel something other than emotional pain for once? Urmmmmm I think so. Try and become obsessed over something new instead of your ex whether it’s a better diet, working out, masturbating, volunteering, your career, and new dick…urmmmmm IDK. I mean there are so many options. For me personally, going to the gym really helps me move on, along with some wine, Netflix and popcorn lol and on occasion my friends.
Tip 4: If you ignore it, it will go away.
Ignoring, is something I am really bad at, but hey! You learn as you grow. (I have learnt a lot from my lack of ignoring….trust me lol). So you run into him at a bar and even though he looks like shit, to you he is the same do-no-wrong idiot you fell in love or in like with. Whatever the reason he’s suddenly on your mind. “DO NOT REACT”. Do not give him the satisfaction of knowing that you care (trust me I have been there hahahaha) so no to being extra at the bar. You will just make yourself look like an idiot. You might just invite more heartache, by engaging with him because then you will have to start the mourning process all over again. And nobody got time for that. I’m saying that to say this……the situation will not be different the next time around. Look at it like this, you are over for a reason, you do not need 800 tries and 1100 embarrassing texts to figure that out! Do not give into the alcohol and that voice in your vagina telling you that you need him. You really don’t need him. What you may need is your fave snack, a vibrator and Netflix.
Tip 5: Get ya ass out the house!
My first instinct after a break up is to stay home and feel sorry for myself. Normally, I’m just hiding because I don’t want to go out and see my “ex”. Yes I’m a punk, but I don’t care. Please don’t be like me lol. What you might need to do is put something sexy on and force yourself to go out. If clubbing or going for drinks isn’t your thing then just have a girl’s night in and bond with your friends. One big mistake girls/women make is dropping their friends when they get a BF, don’t be that girl. You will regret it. Being around friends will distract you. You need your girlfriends when going through a break up.
Tip 6: Find yourself a rebound. No relationship, No emotions…just sex
PSA……Honestly, I don’t believe in this but people say it works. For me I started the gym and that was my rebound. I focused on my body, work, family, friends and myself instead of rebounding with another guy. Butttttttt, if you’re into getting your pickle tickled then go out there and get yourself a rebound. Let this dude show you what real fun feels like while he bangs all those pesky feelings you’re harboring for your “ex” right out of your vagina. Don’t get attached because then you’ll just have to re-read this blog again.
Tip 7 – No Sleeping with him either.
I know it can be tempting because you’re miserable, lonely, and horny, and of course you’re human. But…try not to, because the sex will be good and then that will make you feel even more bonded to your “ex” which will only continue to confuse you and the whole situation. You sleep with him and automatically you think that there is an expectation that things might change.
Tip 8- Forgive your EX.
As long as you hold a hatred towards your “ex”, you won’t be able to move on. Hating someone takes a lot more energy than you think and that would mean you still have strong feelings for this person and that he still has a hold on you.
Now let me be clear, I am not telling you to go contact the “ex” and let him know that you’ve forgiven him! That is lame AF. And you are going to talk and end up having sex with him. Then you’re going to be the idiot who asks….So what are we? And in most cases his initial response is going to be like, urmmmm nothing or it may be even worse when he tells you, he already moved with someone else. What I am suggesting though is that you forgive him in your head and from a distance. Recognize that the damage has been done and there is nothing anyone can do to repair it, try accepting the pain he’s caused you and let go in order to move on. Working through your feelings towards this person will only help you to quicker move on.
Tip 9: Trust that time heals.
I live by this saying, you can ask my friends lol because I know it all too well. This step is the hardest since time slows down when you’re heartbroken. I know it’s a cliché thing to say, but it really is true…time heals everything. When I was going through my very first breakup, I cried myself to sleep for weeks and I had to convince myself that in time I would be over him until one day I woke up and I really was over him. I stopped crying and started to occupy my time doing other things and as time went on the less and less I thought about him, until one day I actually felt nothing when I saw a picture of him and his new girlfriend.
Tip 10: Love yourself- this is the most important step.
Being heartbroken can be the worst feeling ever, it crushes your self-esteem and while trying to deal with the chaos of the breakup sometimes we forget to focus on ourselves and our well-being. Just always try to remember how awesome you are and that your ex is the one that’s missing out and not you. Besides, you should not need anyone else to complete you because you can complete yourself. Oh and stop being negative and blame yourself for why it didn’t work out, it was not your fault or maybe it was…who knows (that’s for a whole other blog). Sometimes you have to learn from your mistakes and in the next relationship maybe try a different approach. Also, as a woman if you can’t be alone and be happy with yourself then something is wrong with you, the moment you can be alone and not go from boyfriend to boyfriend is the moment you will begin to find yourself.
Finally, once you start focusing on loving yourself, you will begin to attract good energy and the right people or person will enter your life. When you least expect it, you will find a new love, a better love. But hopefully you will first find it within yourself.
Shoot sometimes that guy will come back with a better attitude, I mean who knows , right!
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